Ég ætla ekki að koma með einhverjar afsakanir um af hverju ég hafi ekki bloggað lengi og af hverju ég er ekki búinn að tilkynna úrslit úr 1. umferð "Sillanns".

Ef þið hafið séð x-files kannist þið við "trust no one". 

Gott, en "trust nothing" er betra og á vel við þetta blogg. Sérstaklega færslur þar sem minnst er á dagsetningar og loforð um að gera e-ð fyrir ákveðin tíma.

Ég kem með úrslit úr "Sillanum" og lengri færslu seinna..... Eða hvað?

Mulder

Hefjum leikinn. (Lagið úr "Viltu vinna milljón")

1. Lilli úr stríðssögum Sven Hassel var ekki skírður Lilli. Hvað heitir hann réttu og fullu nafni?

2. Chuck Norris er frábær leikari og kann að slást. Hvaða kvikmynd var fyrsta verkefni leikaranns og hvaða hlutverki gengdi hann við gerð hennar?

3. Five-o er annað orð yfir löggu. Það er þó líka hjólabretta manúvering(trix). Hvað fellst í þessari manúveringu(trixi)?

4. Mr. Crabs, yfirmaður Spongebob Squarepants, elskar aðeins eitt. Hvað er það?

5. Hvað eru margar myndir í Re-Animator seríunni og hvað heita þær?

6. Hvað heita fjórar aðalpersónur The O.C. fullu nafni?

7. Hvað heitir gosdrykkur á sænsku?

8. Hvað heitir nýjasta plata In Flames?

9. Öll dáumst við að Letidýrinu (Sloth) og öll viljum við vera eitt. Hvað sofa letidýr margar klukkustundir á dag?

10. Í upprunalegu "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" er leðurfés (Leatherface) leikinn af Íslendingi. Hvað heitir þessi Íslendingur?

Keppnin er opin til miðnættis þriðjudaginn 13. febrúar og öll svör sem berast eftir þann tíma verða dæmd ógild. Ef enginn svarar öllu rétt vinnur sá (eða sú) sem er með flest svör rétt. Verðlaun og sigurvegari verða tilkynnt miðvikudaginn 14. febrúar og mun 2. umferð hefjast sama dag. Gangi ykkur vel.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. 

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. 

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. 

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. 

If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death. 

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice. 

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing. 

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them. 

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f***ing Indian. 

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten. 

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist. 

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean. 

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down. 

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing. 

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably. 

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face. 

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls. 

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month. 

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live. 

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress. 

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. 

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out. 

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. 

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist. 

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. 

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia. 

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground. 

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch." 

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade. 

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!" 

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer. 

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill. 

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made. 

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship. 

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate. 

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris 

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face. 

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds. 

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb. 

If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself. 

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris. 

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking. 

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn. 

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself. 

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them. 

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face. 

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket. 

There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris. 

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5. 

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries. 

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year. 

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out. 

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it. 

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue. 

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red. 

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states. 

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris. 

Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king. 

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick) 

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through. 

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women. 

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it. 

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear. 

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter. 

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes. 

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears. 

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. 

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill. 

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side. 

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium. 

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography. 

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part. 

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday." 

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around. 

Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. 

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one. 

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600. 

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink. 

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face. 

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO. 

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun. 

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris. 

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down! 

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe. 

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth. 

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage. 

Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris" 

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. 

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building. 

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen. 

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint. 

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned. 

Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk. 

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you. 

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. 

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them 

James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger. 

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. 

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Frásögn frá því ég yfirgaf klakann og þar til ég varð 24 ára. Snemma þann 10. jan sat ég með pylsu og bjór á leifsstöð og fylgdist með öldruðu kanarífuglunum sturta í sig rauðvíni, bjór og nítróglyseríni og velti fyrir mér hvort allir karlmenn verði "whipped" eftir 65 ára aldurinn. Konurnar drógu flugfreyjutöskur fullar af sólvörn, sígó og rommi með annari hendi og þreytulega karlmenn sem sögðu bara "já ástin mín." með hinni milli búðanna, barsins og reykherbergisins.

Ég stóð upp eftir þessar pælingar, keypti mér sígó, vindla, remúlaði og bók og hélt af stað út í vél. Ég fékk gluggasæti og rússneska portkonu. Svo kom menni í leðurjakka og talaði við portkonuna á finnsku. Finnsk portkona hugsaði ég. Fyrir framan mig voru snjóbretta thugz sem, þegar leið á flugið áttu eftir að eyðileggja The .O.C. fyrir mér með því að gefa upp hvernig síðasta sería endar. Ég reyndi að hlusta ekki en þegar maður reynir að hlusta ekki heyrir maður miklu betur. Ég reif ælupokann í bræðiskasti og portkonan, sem svaf alla leiðina, rumskaði. Ég ákvað að taka þetta út á flugfélaginu með því að stela koddanum mínum svo ég gæti sofið í rútunni. Með glott á vör stakk ég koddanum í pokann minn. Það heyrðist hmmhmm. Portkonan horfði hneyksluð á mig. Ég blótaði henni brosandi á íslensku og stakk líka heyrnatólunum í pokann.

Þegar ég lenti á Arlanda var heppnin með mér. Hliðið sem ég kom inn var beint á móti reykherberginu sem er glerkassi í horni á bar þar sem venjulegt fólk getur virt fyrir sér eina dýrið með gífurlega sjálfseyðingahvöt(fyrir utan Lemmings), Reykingamanninn.

Ég tók lestina til Stokkhólms, keypti miða til Björnsholm og beið. Nálægt mér sátu tveir menn sem litu út fyrir að vera rússar. Annar þeirra hélt á bréfböggli og þegar hann sá mig nikkaði hann til mín. Ég greip bókina mína og komst að því að það er ekki svo slæmt að lesa á hvolfi. Mennirnir töluðu saman og stóðu svo upp og fóru. Þeir skildu böggulinn eftir!!! Ég hélt fyrir eyrun og lokaði augunum. Ekkert gerðist. Ég ákvað að labba í hina áttina og fá mér sígó. Þegar ég kom inn aftur sátu Rússarnir á sama stað. Hjúkk.

Ég sofnaði í rútunni og ekkert merkilegt gerðist. Karin sótti mig og ég fór að sofa. Framhald síðar..... 

Svo er það einfætti maðurinn sem ekur um í svona bíl-hjólastól og minnir óhemju mikið á "Vorboðann" (Akureyringar fatta þetta). Kom um daginn skælbrosandi á nýju "bíl-hjólastóla" módeli, búinn að update-a úr Rauðu seríunni upp í Bláu. Renndi mjúklega upp að afgreiðsluborðinu, bíbbaði og náði þar með athygli búninga-konunar sem var klædd í fyrrnefndan kattabúning og var illa hrifin af nýja bíl-stólnum. Ótrúlegt hvað einfætti maðurinn er góður driver. Nú er bókasafnið ekki mjög stórt og þegar hann kemur brunandi inn og skrensar framhjá tölvunum, færi ég alltaf stólinn upp að borðinu og tek upp bakpokann minn og býst við að hann klessi inn í hilluna við hliðiná en hann tekur netta handbó og stoppar fyrir framan hljóðbækurnar. Ætli hann sé blindur líka?

Næst er það mið-austurlandarbúinn sem minnir á Borat og talar stundum ensku og stundum sænsku. Svo segir hann bara ja við bókasafnskonurnar, sama hvað þær segja og það verður oft svo vandræðalegt að ég neyðist til að fara út og reykja allavega tvær sígarettur. Stundum tekur hann krakka-ormana með sér, sem vita ekki hvað "personal space" er. Hanga yfir manni meðan maður les e-mail og spyrja svo á 5 mínútna fresti hvort maður sé búinn. Leiðindi.

En nóg um bókasafnið því hér í Gamleby finnst nefnilega margt annað, einsog supermarkaður, restaurant og örugglega 5 eða 6 "second hand" búðir (án djóks). Restaurantinn Ubbe´s er fínn. En hann er líka hang-place fyrir alla lowlifes í Gamleby (þ.á.m. mig). Ubbe er fínn kall, gefur mér frítt kaffi en ekki frían bjór. ;( Nei hann er sæmilegur, ef bjórinn væri frír væri hann fínn.

Ég gaf til kynna áðan að ég væri atvinnulaus en það var lygi. Ég er nefninlega rithöfundur. Bara svo það sé á hreinu.

Svo ætla ég að tala um "dóttur" mína hana Selmu. Hún er þriggja ára og geld. Svo er hún grá-hvít og kúkar og pissar í kassa. Já og hún er köttur. Selma er fyndin, hún vill alltaf fara út og kann að opna hurðir þannig ég neyðist alltaf til að læsa og ef það gleymist þarf ég að leita að henni frammi á stigagangi. Um daginn fór hún út og ákvað að vera úti í 3 daga. Ég labbaði í 8 klukkutíma og leitaði fyrsta daginn og örugglega svipað hina dagana en svo kom hún bara heim. Örugglega verið að láta einhverja högna smella sig. Nú hefur hún tekið upp á því að hefna sín ef ég hleypi henni ekki út þegar hún vill. Hefndin fellst í því að kúka í vaskinn og ég er að gæla við hugmyndina um að prófa það næst þegar ég vill kaupa mér PS2 leik en Karin leyfir ekki. Djók! Ég má kaupa mér PS2 leik þegar ég vil en ég hef ekki efni á því.

Það er erfitt að vera rithöfundur.